Years ago, my father asked me this question during a heated discussion about something that happened in my upbringing. At the time, I was too hurt to think about an answer to the question, yet it never left me. I took personal inventory of myself and decided to truthfully answer the question.
It took me some time to really find an honest answer because I started to question myself and whether or not I was the cause of some of our family problems. Of course, I realized that I wasn’t the cause of any problems between my parents or their lack of parenting.
I never gave my father my answer because he isn’t able to handle that level of truth. However the answer to the question is, “I am the son that my father couldn’t teach me to be!”
I am sharing this moment with you because I learned a very valuable lesson for raising my kids. I learned that I cannot expect something of my kids that I am not willing to teach them. Sadly, too many parents make the mistake of having expectations that aren’t taught or demonstrated. With me, my father had an idea of what he expected of me as his son, but he never communicated it or lead by example. As I started my family, I developed a burning desire to break the cycle in my family so that I didn’t pass this behavior on to my children. Let this be your desire too as you really make up in your mind to be a proactive parent.
Each week, I try to give some starting point to assist you in making progressive changes in your family and this week is no different. With that said, please hear my heart in the following tips;
- Pray and ask God for guidance in raising your children. Ask Him to show to anything in your past that is negatively affecting any area of your life, especially relating to your children or your marriage.
- If there is anything that you have been expecting of your kids without proper guidance and demonstration, apologize to them for not being the parent they needed. As the adult, this may be hard for you to do, but it will gain the respect of your child and allow them to see your love towards them.
- Take time to be more proactive as a parent and not reactive. Teach your children by being the example and not just with words or demands. Share with them your past experiences as it is appropriate when teaching them a life lesson. Stay connected to your children by using everyday situations as teaching moments.
- Be very aware of how you speak to your children. The bible says that “death and life are in the power of the tongue”. Never speak something over your child that you don’t want to be true. For instance, never call them stupid, ugly, fat, etc. FYI, if you are a single parent, never tell your child that “you are just like your father” or “your are just like your mother”, unless you mean it as a compliment.
- Always speak things over your kids that you want to be true. For example, tell them they’re smart, tell your daughter she’s beautiful, tell your son he’s handsome, you get the picture.
Lastly, never get too busy that you become unaware of what’s going on with your children. Stay alert and on guard at all times. Your children need you to guide them through life. If you fail to do this, the world will do it for you, but you won’t like the results. If you don’t become proactive as a parent, you will find yourself complaining about the very problems that your neglect has created, even if it wasn’t your intention. If this was helpful in any way please share link with others, subscribe and help us get this message out.
Until next time,
Stay On Guard!