Last week, I touched on some examples and tips to help you change how you watch over your children. This week, I want to get more detailed as to proactive parenting and give additional tips you can implement into your parenting. I want to state one very important comment before we get started and it’s about identity.
It is a parent’s responsibility to shape the identity of their children and great consequences arise from not doing so. Fathers, it is your job to train up your son to be a God fearing man. A man full of integrity, love, character and awareness of his responsibilities as a man and later as a husband. You will teach your son best when you model the traits you expect to see in him. If you want him to have integrity, show it first, especially to your children. How? Well, sometimes it’s as simple as following through when you tell them you will do something. For instance, if you tell your son that you will be at his game or awards ceremony, be there no matter what!
While you are with your kids, find things you can use as teaching moments. You can point out things you see happening and teach them how to handle the situation should he come across it again. Tell them often what is expected of them, but show them first. Never, ever tell your children to do something that you are not willing to do yourself. For example, single parents, never tell your kids to wait until they get married to have sex and yet have them see you having your boyfriend or girlfriend spend the night in your room.
Fathers, it is also your job to confirm your daughter as a young girl and later a woman. As her father, tell her she is beautiful and that you love her. Treat her as you would expect another man to treat her. If you confirm her at home, she won’t seek out the confirmation of others outside the home. If you don’t confirm her at home, don’t be surprised if she becomes sexually active as a teen or dresses in a way that draws the attention of hormonal teen boys, even grown men. Sure, some teen girls participate in this behavior, but it is really the result of not having her father’s confirmation.
Don’t forget dads that you are your daughter’s first covering, first boyfriend, etc. She will learn how other men are to treat her by the way you treat her. Remember also that when it comes marriage, you are to confirm her husband because he will be replacing you as her covering. Teach this to your daughter when she is a teenager so that she will also understand your role as her father when it comes to marriage. Teach your daughter that she should not worry about dating as a teenager simply because other’s are doing it. Teach her that dating or courtship is for the time when she is ready for marriage.
Most importantly, help your children avoid the influences of today’s culture, especially the hip-hop culture. Here are some tips for this week, some will be repeat tips to stress importance;
1. Monitor the music your kids listen to. Don’t allow them to walk around listening to anything other than gospel music. Even with that, make sure that the artist that they listen to have not openly compromised with the world for the sake of fame.
2. Take the time to teach your children by example and not mere words. Model the behavior your expect to see in them. Use the mistakes of your past as teaching tools to help your kids avoid disappointment and shame.
3. Support your kids in their activities. It means more to them that you show up in support instead of just paying for their participation.
4. Dads, give identity to your son by being the Godly example that he should follow. Be the man he should be!
5. Teach your teens the truth about dating and help them to avoid this teen (under rated) mistake.
6. Dads, confirm your daughter with your words, your respect and love. Teach her, by your example, how men are to treat her.
So much this week and more to come next week with part 3.