This week’s post is about building the foundation to a strong family. The journey to build this foundation starts right after you say “I DO”. The first step is to understand and commit to your marital relationship, not just the idea of being married. I am addressing this because far too many individuals, Christian or not, are getting married without a real understanding of the purpose of the marriage relationship. Many times, marriage is viewed as “the next step” in the evolution of a relationship between a man and a woman.
The truth is that the marital relationship between a man and a woman is to, according to Ephesians 5:22-33, mirror the relationship that Christ has with the church. However, this image of marriage has been changed to one of convenience, worldliness and often void of what God intended marriage to be.
I want to first urge husband and wives to wholeheartedly commit to their marriage and understand that divorce is not an option. Just think about it, do you think Jesus would divorce the church? Secondly, I want to encourage you to nurture and pay attention to each other and your relationship. I say this because life can poop all over you and cause you to neglect or even abuse your spouse emotionally, sexually, physically, you get the picture.
Just remember the time when you were courting and nothing else mattered. Back then, you still had problems, still experienced disappointments and yet when the two of you were together, nothing else mattered. That is how your relationship should continue be after you get married. As a couple, you should be able to face any circumstance together and not allow anything to dictate how you relate to each other. Often times, you will find yourself frustrated by something such as work, school, ministry, lack of intimacy, etc.
It would take a while to cover everything that needs to be covered, so be watching for future posts. Until then, here are some things you can do, if needed, to start rebuilding or strengthening your relationship;
- Plan a date night: If child care is an issue, consider forming a sitting swap relationship with another couple. Offer to watch their children while they go out if they will do the same for you. Just be sure that your children get along with their’s.
- Be careful of what you say to each other: Sometimes we can allow ourselves to respond to our spouse out of the emotions we feel about a certain problem we are faced with. You can find yourself taking your frustrations out on your spouse and even blaming them at times. The words you speak to each other should be chosen carefully and should never be aimed at tearing down each other.
- Never Get Too Busy: Sometimes, you can find yourself occupied with so many things that you can forget to nurture your relationship. As a couple, you have to be sure that you feed your relationship. Wives, your husband needs your words of encouragement. Husbands, your wife needs your words of confirmation, encouragement, etc.
- Plan A Revival: If possible, schedule a weekend getaway for just the two of you at least every 3-months. Use this time to just enjoy each other’s presence and reconnect again. It doesn’t need to be expensive to be effective. It can be as simple as a budget hotel room and dinner.
This is just a short list of suggestions that can aid your commitment to build or strengthen your family. If you have other tips that have been successful for you, please share for the benefit of all others here. FYI, I don’t have the perfect family and like anyone else, I have to remind myself to consistently practice what was said above. You will also find that you can sometimes lose focus and will need to make adjustments in your priorities. The point is, be careful not to forget about what really matters. Also, never take your spouse’s commitment to the relationship as a reason for you to avoid exerting much effort in nurturing your relationship.
Till next time, stay committed.
Bro. Donnell Wyatt Jr.